DIVORCED DATING WITH BAGGAGE:  WHAT TO NOT BRING WITH YOU

Most people of adult age have a number of things about themselves and their lives that they would prefer to forget.  When you are communicating with new people on casual dates, that is certainly one of the best times to “forget” such things--  or at least to leave those subjects out of the picture.  Dating after a divorce is neither the time nor place to bring your issues and problems into the spotlight.  As the focus of divorced dating is on casual dating, whatever “baggage” you may have should not be a part of your conversations. 

If you have “issues” about childhood difficulties, your relationships with your parents, or simply bad feelings about your former spouse and your marriage, leave all of it at the door when you go out on your dates.  If you feel the irrepressible need to discuss such things with your dates, seek advice from a counselor instead.  And if someone you have begun to date on a casual basis is unduly prying into these types of sensitive, private subjects, recognize it as a warning sign that casual dating is most likely not this person's true motive.  Wishing more information about you than someone who barely knows you has the right to have is not a matter of normal interest or getting to know you.

Whether your baggage consists of something quite serious or simply minor aggravations, the best means of not allowing it to have a negative effect on your dating after divorce is to keep your conversations with your dates focused on the present day.  Not only is it inappropriate to bring your baggage into your casual dates, it can have disastrous consequences. 

If you are in need of professional help, you can get that;  if you merely wish to talk about such things, talk with the friends you already have.  Your new social life after a divorce is for having fun and getting to know a number of people;  it is for regaining your role as an independent individual.  It is very important to neither sabotage these factors which you need to accomplish nor to unwittingly invite potentially-serious complications into your life by presenting the difficulties you have had in your life to those who should only be in your life while attending a movie or going out to dinner. 

For the best chance of a successful transition with divorced dating, leave your issues at home when you go out for your date.  There is an appropriate time and place for them, and when you are dating after a divorce, this is not the appropriate time or place.